80. Beethoven reincarnate.

MUSIC CALMS YOUR SOUL.

Tears In Heaven


Right Here Waiting


More Than Words


The Rose


♥ www.SunghaJung.com
I could listen to him all day.

79. Unexpected.

THERE'S A MOMENT IN TIME AND IT'S STUCK IN MY MIND.

I woke up feeling under the weather and sluggish. Walking out of the lift and seeing you wait by the road with your bike really lifted my spirit. Thanks for the extra trip down to the shop, this time with my packed lunch and Horlicks McFlurry.

Work's slow and unchallenging, so I have only the memories of your earlier visit and the lingering taste of sweet, malty and salty Horlicks in my mouth, accompanied by songs from the 80s - 90s on the radio. Hmmm... Friday can't get any better once the churning in my stomach stops.

78. Tsamina mina zangalewa, this time for reflection.

FOREVER YOUNG, I WANNA BE FOREVER YOUNG.

"It's now 8:03 pm."

I feel like going Africa just listening to this song.

-

I'm surprised at my eagerness to talk about my day and the frequency of my blogging too. It's a good thing I guess, all these thoughts has to go somewhere, there's only this much my mind can contain.



Two weeks in Garde Manger flew by in a blink of an eye then it's onto another kitchen for us next week. Maybe it's too soon to say but it's a safe bet to say that Garde Manger might be, could be, HAS GOT TO BE the best kitchen to be in, out of all 5 kitchens. Gbye Garde Manger, Hello Top Table.

The past week has been all about kitchen boot camp (duh) and rushing of 500 word essay and entrepreneurship assignment; which resulted in an ongoing debate (with myself) about my choice of study and possibly my career in the hospitality, Food & Beverage industry, as well as my dream of running a small cafe. One component of the assignment was to work out the business start up cost and the figures I drew up scared me. I am, after all, a self-proclaimed numerophobic.

There have been other routes to take but stubborn as I am (plus the opportunity to continue studying was too great to turn down), I chose to press on. I'm not regretting my decision but I'm just so worn out sometimes, I feel like throwing in the towel, especially when the fear of a "better tomorrow" that I'm working towards never coming creeps up on me.

I have dreams and when I dream, I dream BIG. I'm not content with letting my dreams drag on year after year and remain as 'just dreams'. So I push myself to work hard in hope of turning my dreams into reality and that means high expectation of myself and high expectation means higher chance of suffering a disappointment or disappointment(s).

On days like this, I just want the affirmation that I'm doing fine.

Like this, "This is definitely feasible."

Thank you. (:

77. There's much to look forward to.

FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE.

...cos it's a PUBLIC HOLIDAY, I can finally not wake up at 5:30 am.

Following that, there's a long-awaited 2 weeks break the week after next. Thank God for small favors, and a doting boyfriend, too.



All I did was made a passing remark that it would be nice to have a folder in which I can keep all my recipes in order and poof! Houdini appeared at my workplace a day after with a personalized folder. What more can I say?

76. Draw yourself a map.

THE ONLY THING CONSTANT IS CHANGE.

"It's hard to watch people change right in front of you..but the worst part is remembering who they used to be."

That above applies for two people in my life. But I'm done talking about the other.
Today it's Nic.

Hey you pugzywugzy:

I feel sad whenever I see you not smiling the way you used to. It wrenches my heart out when I read those entries of yours that spills with heartbreaking sadness and honesty that you're too proud to let the rest of the world know. It strucked me most when I read the entry you wrote about Junda and I, urging us not to quarrel and to cherish what we have and how anger poisons and clouds our ability to make sensible decisions. And because I've always been your unofficial "guardian", I feel a teeny weeny bit guilty when I am out enjoying being in love while you mopped around the house out of love.

Almost everyday without fail, I spot a bit of sadness and longing in your eyes and much as I want to offer you the world, I know nothing I can give will fill the gaping void in your heart. I was telling Junda about your current state and the metaphor I gave was that you have lost your anchor, which is why you're floating around without an aim now. And he surprised me with a totally different point of view. He said, "She has just been RID OF the anchor, which means she's free to move on now and needs to draw herself a map."

Come to think of it, it makes perfect sense. I guess that's what a partner and being in a relationship has been for you - An anchor. Says who do we need to be anchored down? It gives us a temporary feeling of "safe haven" but it leads us nowhere. So what you really need to do is get your "bearings" right, get used to this sudden found freedom, draw yourself a map and sail away from this depressing chapter of your life. Just like how you're a captain of your own ship, you're the one responsible for your own happiness.

Stop beating yourself up, stop clinging unto the ghost of a 'it could have worked out' relationship. The world would say "It wasn't worth it" but its worth and value can only be measured by how it made you a better person and how much you learnt from it. If She chose to embark on her journey of self-development during her relationship with you, then her value of this relationship must have been real high. And if this relationship wizened you up and made you grow up, then perhaps the world will start to see that it was worthwhile after all.

75. Putting a rein on that swinging mood.

COS YOU HAD A BAD DAY.

We all have bad days; days when we just don't feel like talking, smiling, being happy. For us girls, we attribute it to our monthly 'Pre-menstrual symptoms'. For the rest of the human kind, we call it the 'Moodswings'. Though moodswings are inevitable and ok from time to time, it crosses the line of being ok when it affects everyone you come within 2 metre-radius contact with.

For me, it was the accumulated lack of sleep, endless to-do list AND PMS which resulted in me feeling totally rotten the whole of last week. Not only was I easily irritable, I was an emotional wreck and almost nothing pleases me, not even the weekend that was jammed-packed with exciting events. Looking back, I must've been a company from hell and poor, poor boyfriend had to suck it up and take everything in.

This week started off on a slower pace considering that I took days off to clear my sleep debts (notice this word surfaces from time to time) and not having to work means I get to come home earlier, which means I get to sleep earlier, which then means I wake up to the world a happier and less grumpy person!



So as the title of this entry suggests, 'Putting a rein on that swinging mood' and donning on what I call the 'Happy Glasses' (I just really like this picture so I'm clearly finding ways to insinuate it into the entry).

Mid-year resolution: To take things a little more lightly and not be such a grouchy, snappy bitch and hard-to-please girlfriend.

Thank you for bearing with me. (:

-

Overdue Pictures to welcome the weekend:

This Saturday's must-have:



Alright! 500 word essay awaits me, so is the weekend!

Edit: The 'anal' in me is kicking in. I feel like kicking blogger if it was something tangible now cos the font, ohgod, the FONT!!! WHY IS IT SO SMALL and no matter how I look at it, doesn't look at all like all the previous entries?! (Takes a couple of deep breathes)

74. This is my best explanation.

I'M TOO TIRED TO FEED YOUR NEED.

I always begin my entries with a little quote or some line from a song. It acts sort of like a pre-cursor to the entry if it's somewhat related to it or totally random and unrelated to the entry itself. And today, while I waited for the usual 'brainfart' to kick start my entry, that came to mind.

As my fingers did a hopscotch across the keyboard (seriously, they do cos I type with both my index, only), I watch the words that materialize across the screen and form the foreboding sentence. Only then did I allow myself to admit that this thought has been on my mind for most of the time I am conscious.

It is always 'I' who wasn't there for you, 'I' who neglected you, 'I' who wasn't there to nurse your heartbreak, 'I' who left you lonely, 'I' who shoulders the blame and take on the patchwork-repair of our friendship.

I don't even want to start asking, "What about you?"

'I' am NOT ok. 'I' have overestimated my tolerance level and 'I' am weak and exhausted and it's time to admit that I need to give up this act of pretence. The pretence that things are good, or will get BETTER, the pretence that not a single thread of our patchwork friendship is out of place. The truth is ugly and the truth is, everything is unravelling, everything is bursting at the seams.

I'm feeling the strain. The strain of having my feet in a pair of shoes that I grew up wearing and loved that doesn't fit anymore. It's painfully plain and straightforward - both the wearer and the shoe feels the strain and one or the other will call it quits one day.

We've changed. You love to bask in the company of friends whereas I now seek solace in solitude and rejoice when I could snooze for an extra 3 minutes without missing the morning bus. You reminisce the times we talk every night. Truth is I hardly talk on the phone to ANYONE and when I do, I end up spitting fire at my boyfriend because I'm too tired.

You talk about vulnerability of friendships but has it occurred to you that I am human and feel vulnerable too? You make me feel like I have the responsibility to fill up all the empty pockets in your timeslot, that I have to give you priority slot of my time - how can I do so when I hardly have time for myself? You then attribute it to the presence of a partner in my life. If I may summon a witness in this "court and jury", I would put my boyfriend on the stand and make him declare how much of my time he has and during the measly time, how much cheerlessness, disquietude and angst he had to put up with.

You feel the strain of not having me around. I feel the strain of being constantly needed by you and the strain of feeling 'indebted' when you complain I'm never there.

I'm way below the expectation you have set for me. To meet it I need to give up all that I have meticulously calculated and allocated time for and I don't have it in me to watch the world I carefully built crumble.

I explained to you before and I thought you understood. There is no such thing as a 'flawless' person. This is the best I can give you. I'm sorry I don't have time to be the bestfriend you want me to be.

73. Late for late call.

WE'RE ALL ADDICTED TO PERFECTION,
CRITICS OF OUR CREATIONS.

I mentioned few posts earlier that I now have to re-adjust my body clock to conform to my new culinary practicum aka "bootcamp" hours: 10pm Bedtime / 5:30am Wake-up call.

Have I succeeded? Hmm..uh..eh.. More or less.
Am I enjoying it or growing to like it a teeny weeny bit? NOOO.

However, up till yesterday, I actually did fine and was never, (was close) but NEVER late. (Applause please) Then, yesterday morning I woke up at the first sound of my alarm and DELIBERATELY snoozed it, saying outloud, "The soup is not ready yet."

Minutes went by and suddenly, by some unseen force of nature, I opened my eyes and caught the faint rays of sunshine spilling in from the window. The birds were chirping exceptionally loud (it's usually still dark and quiet if I woke up on time at 5:30 am). My eyes darted to the clock sitting atop the television and propelled by the time it showed AND my heart attack, I sprang out of bed and made it in/out of the shower, out of the house and onto the bus in record time. The way I ran, you would've thought I was training for the Youth Olympics.

I'm no Gordon Ramsey-wannabe to actually eat, drink, breathe and dream about cooking. I think it's probably the number of hours I spent cooking during culi prac and the lack of sleep that has my body conditioned to thinking it hasn't "stopped" cooking even during the 4 hours of my supposed "periodic state of rest".

And after all that psycobabble, I've yet come to the mainpoint; in which the title was a derivation of. Yesterday, I came close to being late for Culi prac (notice how I always say 'Culi prac' instead of 'school'), today, I WAS LATE.

The reason why I emphasize on 'Culi prac' is because our grades for the semester is base on a daily marking system, as well as that of exams and practicals. Attendance and punctuality, much to my dismay, is one of the components. And because of a certain 6-wheeled public transportation, I was late.

The lecturers were apparently unimpressed by my "Youth Olympic-worthy-sprint". And I am not the least bit impressed with them brandishing their pens (like a fairy would her wand) and just like fairy magic, my marks for the day went "POOF!" right before my contacts-enhanced bambi eyes. At that instant I really wanted to stomp my feet on the ground and stab my stubby finger at the bus's direction and whine, "It's not meee! It's the BUSSS!!! It was stuck at the junction right outside school for TWENNY MEEENITESSS!!!"

But I didn't, would love to, but I didn't. Just gotta suck it up and chalk it to up to a bad day. The irony. I survived reaching school by 7:20 am for a good 3 weeks, but I was late for that ONE day lesson starts at 8:20 am.

72. GO SHOPPING.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, GO SHOPPING.

Or find me at
Candelicious

71. Culinary Prac Preview.

STOP, ROCK & ROLL.



Hola! Culinary practicum orientation today left me high and dry. The "high" came from the excitement of being in an actual Kitchen uniform as a 'Commis Chef' and sitting through the I'd-better-stay-awake-or-die-trying lecture sucked me "dry". I was so tired towards the end of the day I almost fell out of my seat during my power nap on the bus, TWICE. For the past 365 days I've anticipated and waited for this. Now I'm 4 days away from the actual Culinary Practicum and I'm...nervous. My emotions are colliding and creating chaos in me; it's so nerve-wrecking that if I had balls, they would've shrunk.

Next week marks the start of my 18 weeks training in the kitchen; from Garde Manger to Ethnic Cuisine to Baking & Pastry (I'm looking forward to this the least). For someone who has been used to throwing ingredients in by instinct, I can't foresee how I 'm going to survive the rigor of these 18 weeks of stringent "oz by oz, 60 mm by 60 mm" training. That and the biggest obstacle - the MAJOR alteration of my body clock: Bedtime by 10:00pm, awake by 5:30am?! (insert horror music)

On a much much lighter note, I am high to the skies for our flight's booked & we're left with Hotel confirmation! In exactly 6 month's time, I'll bid Singapore gbye and say "SARWADEEKAP THAILAND"! With the beloved boyfriend and Nic in tow, we shall shop till our toes scream "STOP!" Would love to write more but I'm about to be chased off the comp, peace out for now.

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after

Last note: I miss you Soldier. Smile as you read this (:

70. Sleep threatens to take over my consciouness.

YOU NEED TO HAVE A SIT-DOWN WITH YOUR EGO.

I can't decide if I like her because of this song or because she sounds like Pink.

Scars
Allison Iraheta

Did I say something stupid?
There goes one more mistake
Do I bore you with my problems?
Is that why you turn away?
Do you know how hard I tried
To become what you want me to be?

Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars

You say don't act like a child
But what if it's a father I need?
It's not like you don't know what you got yourself into
Don't tell me I'm the one who's naive
Do you know how hard I've tried
To become what you want me to be?

Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars

Come on, just let it go
These are things you can't control
Your expectations, your explanations
Don't make sense to me
You and your alternatives
Don't send me to your therapists
Deep down, I know what you mean
And I'm not sure that's what I wanna be
No

Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars
Oh no no no

Did I say something stupid
There goes one more mistake

69. GDP = Great Depression Pusher

MACRO, MICRO, ALL THE SAME.
NUMBERS & I DON'T GEL & THAT'S A SHAME.

Monandry
[n] having one husband at a time

I didn't know there was a word for that! I thought Monogamy applies across the board for both sexes. Ha!

In any case, I figured memories (esp happy ones) have to go down in record (somewhere) so what better place than on an online journal? Unless blogger goes bust one day and closes down, taking along all our journal entries; or something greater and more vicious than the feared Y2K bug eats up all cyber connection and cuts us away from this wonderful creation...I think this cyber-journal should be a safe and ideal place to chronicle my self-deemed 'life-changing' events.

-

On a totally unrelated note, I suddenly recall a particular event that never fails to let me experience the bliss of being in love all over again and sticking by my belief of "Never missing an opportunity to tell someone how much you love and appreciate them", I suppose this long overdue 'after action review' is better late than never.

Mr JD:
Recalling our '100th day' mini celebration, I loved the part where you presented me with an empty bouquet made from scrap pieces of baking paper look-alike most. No doubt waking up to breakfast in bed and himalayan tea latte and carrying my first bouquet of Calla Lilies was one of the best feelings in the world. And it holds so much more meaning only because it's from you.

The past 9 months have been rather tumultuous for both us. Stressful, yes. Trying, yes. Emotionally draining, yes. But we've had our share of happy times and if I were to put it on a scale to measure 'Happy vs Unhappy' moments, I'd proudly say the scale would tip towards the 'Happy' moments.

Alike every relationship, ours wasn't smooth sailing like the Himalayan snow caps (I've never been there so it could be filled with potholes for all we know). We have our own idea and "standards" of perfection and sometimes in the process of finding that "perfection" molded by our individual expectations, we overlook the attraction of our differences that got us both together in the first place.

In the midst of anger and frustration, we wear our defenses high and words being our only weapon to defend our pride, may unknowingly hurt each other and cast the shadow of doubt in us and put a dent in our faith. Judging from our last conversation, the feeling of dejection was strong enough to keep my thoughts straying and awake at this ungodly hour. I don't deny thinking about our constant bickering occurring from our differences and despite it being taxing and putting everything I ever believed in on the line - Between walking away and giving it another shot, I'd choose the latter. (: Plus, it helps that I cast all unhappy memories and differences out the window whenever you're in close proximity.

That said, I love you, differences and all. It seems almost impossible but Alice in Wonderland believed in as many as six impossible things before breakfast; I believe in just one. And that's not impossible!

68. Exhausted.

I ♥ you.

But I am:

tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tried tired tired tired cried tried tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired.

67. To feel is crime.

HUSH, HUSH DARLIN' HUSH HUSH.

I'd be lying if I say "I feel much better" after our phone conversation.
I'd be lying if I say hearing you call yourself a "fucker" didn't break my heart.
I'd be lying if I say it wasn't difficult for me to wear my heart on my sleeve and pour my insecurities out to you.

Adding it all up, it seems the situation would have been better off if I'd lied.

-

Everytime I yearn for something, I trade a bit of "me" to the devil himself. I live in a deluded world where all that matters is that something I yearn for - it seems that with that little bit, the sun shines brighter, the birds fly higher and my world seems better. So I keep up with this trade-off with the devil and keep giving away that little bit of myself until one day I get what I yearn for. Maybe by then, I wouldn't want it anymore because the trade-off took away more than I bargained for.



I wish I could communicate my feelings without hurting yours.

66. Skinny LatteR.

HOPE THIS FEELING LASTS, THE REST OF MY LIFE.


Usually, the first thought that comes into mind when I wake up is, "Shit. I'm late." Not today. I woke up (late as usual), but with an agenda. I washed up and changed into running gear and started with a slow jog down the stairs and to the park. Now I'm back and I've decided that Sugarcult's 'Memory' makes a good running song.

And I've also decided that I still detest running but I need to face the demons in order to lose weight, right?

I have a touch of PMS, which means:

I'm bloated.
I feel fat.
I don't feel beautiful.
Did I mention FAT?!

And at 23 (coming), I still have a hell lot of teenage angst. Whoever told me I was beautiful? You're full of crap. I looked into the mirror today and it struck me that fat can never be beautiful. Everything associated with 'Skinny' is cool and sells. Ever heard of people buying 'Fatties'??? No! Everyone wants a pair of 'Skinnies', in every shade possible.

Today's one of those days I can't find anything to wear, everything makes my stomach stick out, my already big thighs huge and bigger than Mount Everest and my breasts feel compressed; like your face pressed against the glass door in a crowded train. Add to that the fact that I have been screwing up my body alarm and kept semi-conscious for the past few nights for fear of menstruation leaking unto the mattress.

This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.

I'm sitting here, still clad in my running gear and I smell the sweat. Skinny people perspire - fat people sweat.

I can never get bored of writing to nobody.

65. Everything will fall in place.

IT'S ONE OF THOSE SONGS YOU'LL PLAY ON REPEAT BECAUSE IT COMFORTS YOU.

It comes to you when you least expects it; and you think to yourself, "This is it." Then, some unforeseen circumstances comes along and yanks it rudely out of your reach; along with your dreams and hopes now built around it - just as unexpectedly as the opportunity presented itself in the first place. And you think to yourself, "This is it."

Fate teases you; yet somehow, everything will fall in place.

64. Excited much.

80 by 80.

It's been so long. The idea of painting again has got me quivering with anticipation.

63. Lucky me for having you.

THE CHARMING ONE WHOSE BIRTHDAY FALLS ON 1ST DECEMBER.

If I had to write down the name of the person responsible for the smile on my face each time, your name would fill up the book.

-

I should be so lucky
...to have you.

62. First post in 2010.

BABY, YOU'RE THE BEST PART OF MY DAY.



2009 was great 'cause that's when I got you.
Wonder what 2010 has got in store for me?

61. December 2009

SOMETIMES YOU'VE GOT TO SACRIFICE THE THINGS YOU LIKE.

This blog has been overwhelmingly quiet; neglected. December has always been a busy month. In the weeks that has gone by, I celebrated the soldier's birthday (along with many other December-babies), survived my mid-term tests, met up with some friends (not as many as I'd love to) and had a full-fledge Birthday Party.



I never got around to jolt down on this little cyber "diary" of mine the events that took place during the birthday and the party, but if I read this entry years later and forget why it's the best birthday party of 2009, I must be stupid.














♥ ♥ ♥

& really, I'm not showing off. HELL YEAH I AM.
This is what you get for having an utterly creative and artistic boyfriend (not to mention wickedly good at giving surprises, too).

Never one to be mooshy mushy but never one to be wishy washy either;
so thank you for letting me live my dream of life full of laughter.

I ♥ you very much yo.

60. Sinful Wishlist

SINFUL INDULGENCE(S).

This Mocha Baby


...or this.

59. Rainbow in a syringe.

RAINBOW IN A SYRINGE. MANY SYRINGES ACTUALLY.



If each coloured syringe represents an emotion, I'd have the ability to choose how I want to 'feel' simply by injecting myself with it. Wouldn't that be nice.

58. My House!

THIS IS JUNDA TYPING HERE FOR BELL...


This is my house.
I love my house.
I love the trees.
House loves me.


My House!

57. Three Words For My Boyfriend.

YOU'VE HEARD THIS MORE THAN A THOUSAND TIMES;
but nothing's gonna stop me from saying it over & over again.

1 more week;
7 days;
168 hours;
till I see you again.

56. Re-connecting.

PRISSY, TIRED & DEPRIVED OF FOOD, SHOPPING & BOYFRIEND'S HUGS.
Upon reading this "forewarning", it would be wise to clear the path and steer out my wrath.

But nooo, somebody just had to do a dance on my last nerve. I'm surprised I was able to bite my tongue and hold back the things I was dying to say. I know my anger often reveals me as a spoilt, insensitive 'bitch' who's best at shooting people down with angry words (half of which are brutal honesty, the other half are, of course, a figment of my imagination) and often, when I read the entries in retrospect, I feel I'd somehow over-reacted and the situation then seemed very much more amusing than it actually seemed when emotions were clouding my judgement.

Whew. All that in one breath. And if I'd actually built the suspense unintentionally, I apologize for I am not revealing the trigger factor of my anger. Let's just chalk it up to a "bad day" and consider it the last favour free labour I'm doing for her.

Stars. Ha! I feel like making those little Ninja throw-knives and use them on you instead. Ahhh, the joys of being a door-mat.

Keep calm & carry on.



Yes, disconnected. Especially with Mister JD aka Boyfriend. 26 days in some ulu desert in Australia with poor reception and whatever coverage. We can't even enjoy a decent 5 minute phonecall without either one of us hollering into the phone after a minute or two cause of the poor reception. Oh did I already mention poor reception?

Apart from being 'disconnected' from him, there's also the friends cause I'm always on the ball - running off to work and whatnots but, on a lighter note, I'm making progression and have been catching up with friends. "Awesome" -Nic

I had Dane for lunch (deliberate pun) and Hazel & Twins for dinner (dinner comprised of bread & sushi actually), throw in a tear-jerking movie - perfecto.


Our "60-minute Extreme Lunch date" as he calls it; complete with Ice Kacang and Camwhoring.

Ha! Judging from this one shot, you'd be able to guess without a doubt who edited these pictures!


...& a mini-me!!! Now, I've always wanted one of this!


:D

Next on the meet-up list: Gloria & Denise and Nart.
Meanwhile it's still work, school, work and counting down to Mister JD's return.

-

I just opened the room door to let the cat out and the gush of nice, air-condition-cooled air rushed out and tickled my nose with a very pleasant scent of Glades green tea; thanks to Nic. and I guess that would make a nice epilogue to today's entry. gnight.

55. Officially missing you, Ng Junda.

OFFICIALLY MISSING YOU, NG JUNDA.
It's been a billion months since I last wrote.



It's official, you know I'm missing you.

54. Gif Surprise.

FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE.

"SUPPLIES."

53. Second Best.

SCRUMP GRUMP.

As long as I don't think about it, I feel okay.
I'll be back with a happier entry tomorrow because this aside, there are happier events.

52. 想太多

LOVE SONGS HAVE EMOTIONS BLEEDING OUT OF THEM.

“ 他霸占了你的心中属于我的角落。”

Chinese love songs are so poignant.

51. Bike rides in the rain.

YOU'RE THE ULTIMATE, YOU.

I love it when you make me laugh while riding in the rain.

50. Last paper. Asking too much. 2nd place.

ASKING MUCH, NO?

Yet another cryptic entry because there's too much to lose when I try to be totally open and honest. So, this entry serves as a prelude to my (hopefully) last paper. I have a sickening feeling there's a supplementary Micro paper with my name on it though.

Last paper...then what? Work, work, work. However I'm determined not to let work suck the fun out of my month-long holiday this time. Must fulfill my promise to meet up before my friends start severing ties with me.

-

"It is a sad fact that regardless of effort or talent - second place only means that you are first in a long line of losers."

First or second? If choking on your reply is of any indication, I think I know the answer.

49. My "Mian Yang".

WHO SAYS ONLY MARY HAS A LITTLE LAMB?

I was brewing up one helluva storm here...until someone went to spoil it.
HOW TO STAY ANGRY NOWWW.

Argh! I'm in love, all over again.

(:

48. Lecturers need to undergo "Behaviour Modification".

HERE, ME SCREAM.

Bulldozed into the examination room this afternoon, thought I was late (not knowing I was merely 2 minutes past reading time). All you could hear was silence and the occasional rustle of crisp, freshly printed papers. I sat down, picked up the pen and furiously started scribbling my admin number unto the paper and then,
"I SAID NO WRITING!!!"

I literally jumped in my seat. Had I not been shocked into gripping my pen so tightly, I would've sent it flying into someone's eyes.

"OK, I HEARD YOU, MORON, THERE WASN'T A NEED TO SCREAM YOUR SHRIVELED DICK OFF!"

For the record, I didn't hear you say "No writing" because I wasn't in the room YET, Mr Dickhead-Lecturer.

There, I feel better now. Not. Jealousy left a bad taste in my mouth.

47.就是爱你, 黃俊达.

SUNBURNT SOLDIER;

"我 一直都想对你说
你给我想不到的快乐。"

46. Craps, crab cravings.

CRAPS, CRAB CRAVINGS!

Sawatdee CRAB (Khrab)!

"In life we have dreams; in dreams we have fantasies. In reality...I just flunked my Microecons paper and I have a sudden, intense craving for Black Pepper Crab. While we're at it, let's throw in Salted Egg Yolk Prawns too."

Yours Truly.

45. Every little thing you do.

UP, UP, AND AWAY.

Rides to school and rides to work. Mt Faber and Labrador Park. R6 and XL. E-mails and snail mails. Lunch visits and Soldiers in Smart 4. Hugs and kisses. Surprises, surprises, surprises. You.

These are some of my favourite things.

I cried buckets during the movie UP but it was such a sweet plot! First it got me yearning for a kind of 'forever', then it got me missing my dad. And it didn't help that I'm a sucker for sappy Disney movies. In anycase, I ♥ both the movie and the company, especially the person seated on my right.

-

PICK UP LINE OF THE YEAR

"You seem interesting...and I'm taught to cultivate my interest."

...& you took all the "interest" out of me the minute those words left your mouth.

44. Feelings.

WATCH THE WORLD GENTLY SPINNING OUT OF TIME.
& watch the goddamn spiders spin webs of lies.

I do have something to say, more than one. Lots of things in fact; but they're all in my head. Somehow, I find myself on the brink of the worst type of feelings.

Can't. Let. It. Out.

I've nothing to my name but a little yearning. Maybe speech and writing is not the best way for me to communicate my feelings.

I'm too much for you to handle. You don't know shit.

43. 疼你的責任

A very apt song describing my thoughts and feelings towards Nic. It has been this way right from the start, and somethings never change.

疼你的責任

每次妳任性時說的一些話
妳知道那有多傷人嗎
但我頂多只氣個三分鐘吧
最後依然體貼的送妳回家
有時想如果我不是一直讓
妳也許会懂得學著體諒
但是我完全無法硬著心腸
做得讓妳有一點難過失望

總覺得有疼妳的責任
要妳是最快樂最單純的人

因為妳讓我的心變得豐盛
原來不奢望的變成可能

總覺得有疼妳的責任
讓妳做最輕鬆最自然的人

我想不遮掩也是一種信任
愛得瞭解包容 才算愛得完整

42. Gloom doom.

CURRENT LOCATION: GLOOMYVILLE.

Yesterday my satisfaction AND happiness percentage was 100% when the boyfriend showed up unexpectedly. Today it plummeted to rock bottoms cos not only is he still unwell, but chances of seeing him are slim. And I'm dreading that he has to book in and be on duty the day after tomorrow; which means I won't get to see him until after two weeks...which happens to be my examinations week.
:(

I've never been a particularly 'clingy' girlfriend, but this isn't asking too much, is it.

41. Satiated.

FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE.

Magnolia Oat Milk. Checked.
Koi's Ovaltine Flavoured Bubble Tea. Checked.

You know how those characters on Sims have their happiness and satisfaction level measured in percentage? My satisfaction percentage is now 50% cos two of my cravings have been satisfied (by Passion, no less), now we're just one boyfriend short of 100%.

Maybe I don't have H1N1 afterall. Maybe it's lovesickness!

40. Quarantine craves and raves.

QUARANTINE CRAVES AND RAVES.

The big joke has ceased being funny. I think this whole 'home quarantine' thing is getting into me, driving me up the wall and will sooner be the cause of my death than the illness itself. And the whole irony of me "resting" at home are get-well messages like this: "Hey Bell, drink lots of water ok? Get well soon! Rest well~ Oh & by the way, you have to do this..& this...& that..& that that THAT."

Ho hum.

Hmmm. Okayy, it actually isn't quite that big of a deal but it sucks to want/need something but you can't just slip into your flip-flops and head down to the convenience store downstairs to get it.

Like this.



Or this. (The ovaltine-flavoured one is to-die for!)


It sucks that the only source of fresh air you can get is by sticking your head out the window. It sucks when your fellow 'comrade' has to shoulder everything upon herself now that she has to work your share as well. It sucks even more that the boyfriend is discharged and home recuperating but you're milesss away and can't even indulge in a session of skype with him.

And there's only this much of activities you can do around the house without letting the fever aches get to you. I'm fast becoming a facebook addict and maniac blogger. This is what, my third entry in less than 24 hours?

That's a record. I haven't done that since Sec 2.

39. Nobody beats you.

DON'T BREAK MY HEART, AND I WON'T BREAK YOUR HEART SHAPED GLASSES.


I'm feeling bad,
For upsetting you.
I'm overwhelmed with sorrow;
If you can't forgive me today,
May I hope for tomorrow?

-

I want nobody, nobody but you.
♥ you, Mister Junda Ng.

38. I should be so lucky.

EAT GRASS & CARDBOARD.



First it starts with fever, then sore throat. So I went to the doctor's and got some medication and thought I'll be in the pink of health again before long. But nooo, fever came and went, to a point I couldn't stand it any longer, I went to the doctor's again only to be determined that I have H1N1 (early stage, so hold unto to your seat, don't go scurrying to your family doctor just cos I last said 'Hi' to you yo). The flu swipe/swap hurts like a bitch!!! Imagine pushing a stick the length of a regular satay stick up and into your nose by force!?! And then wait for the results.

*Tweedle thumbs*
*Pace*
*Cough cough*
*Send out farewell notes*

I thought the 15 minutes wait was agonizing enough, that is, until I heard the total amount. I literally winced upon hearing the amount due. Solid. Don't need to eat good food for the next few weeks to come already. Hence the title: "Eat grass & cardboard".

WHAT. THE. FUCK. SUAY SUAY SUAY.

Buy Toto or 4D also not so lucky LAH!!!

I hear the birds chirping and buses and cars going by. And I'm up at this ungodly hour squeezing my throbbing brain dry just to come up with two decent (we're not even talking bout 'A' grade quality) essays for Microecons. And to give morning calls to Passion and Kelvin who were nice enough to stay up and accompany/help me. Oh my god. Five days of isolation at home. No work, no money. No boyfriend, no honey. Hahahahaha! That was said in the spur of the moment but alas, isolation or not, the boyfriend aka sick bird's still hospitalized under observation anyway. Crossing my fingers hoping it's nothing serious yo. :(

Get well soon, to us both, with love.

37. All hail oat milk!

They have Mongolia Magnolia (Hahahaha! Thanks for spotting the mistake lyn! Predictive text was on. I'm blogging from the phone!) Oat Milk at Biz Park!!! Woohoo! Kevin looked like god when he came over to me with a packet of it. Yay!!!

-

On a not-so-happy note, the boyfriend's running a temperature & I'm all the way in school. Not that I can be of any help but ugh. I wish I was a nurse.

I'm screwed for Microecons. Die, die, die.

36. Swing Swing

WISTFUL.

Work is hot hot heat & blistered feet.
& mini waterfall of perspiration down my cleavage.

Bearable work is blasting The All Amercian Rejects on the speaker & sneaking away to blog.

-

Did you think that I would cry
On the phone?
Do you know what it feels like
Being alone?
I'll find someone new

Swing, swing, swing
From the tangles of
My heart is crushed
By a former love
Can you help me find a way
To carry on again?

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