BELLINA: 67. To feel is crime.

Friday

67. To feel is crime.

HUSH, HUSH DARLIN' HUSH HUSH.

I'd be lying if I say "I feel much better" after our phone conversation.
I'd be lying if I say hearing you call yourself a "fucker" didn't break my heart.
I'd be lying if I say it wasn't difficult for me to wear my heart on my sleeve and pour my insecurities out to you.

Adding it all up, it seems the situation would have been better off if I'd lied.

-

Everytime I yearn for something, I trade a bit of "me" to the devil himself. I live in a deluded world where all that matters is that something I yearn for - it seems that with that little bit, the sun shines brighter, the birds fly higher and my world seems better. So I keep up with this trade-off with the devil and keep giving away that little bit of myself until one day I get what I yearn for. Maybe by then, I wouldn't want it anymore because the trade-off took away more than I bargained for.

I wish I could communicate my feelings without hurting yours.

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FYI

B is for Bellina & Blockhead

I'm the frog who lives at the top of the well.

♥♥♥

I started blogging 5 years ago around this time of the year. I feel it is relevant to let you know that my first blog was 'dedicated' to my crush in school where I diligently chronicled my everyday 'sightings' of THE eye-candy (like a scientist would a giant sperm whale) with incoherent sentences punctuated with grammatical errors and typed "LyK TiZ".

What I'm trying to show here is that you could very well be reading something worse than what is published here now.

Well, I've since then grown out of that disgusting obsession (except for an occasional gushing), thank god.

I live to eat, read, draw and write. The last two acts as a kind of self exorcism. However, expect long bouts of dry spells/writer's block/ comatose or whatever excuse I can possibly use to explain the lack of entries as I am always busy chasing time.