YOU NEED TO HAVE A SIT-DOWN WITH YOUR EGO.
I can't decide if I like her because of this song or because she sounds like Pink.
Scars
Allison Iraheta
Did I say something stupid?
There goes one more mistake
Do I bore you with my problems?
Is that why you turn away?
Do you know how hard I tried
To become what you want me to be?
Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars
You say don't act like a child
But what if it's a father I need?
It's not like you don't know what you got yourself into
Don't tell me I'm the one who's naive
Do you know how hard I've tried
To become what you want me to be?
Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars
Come on, just let it go
These are things you can't control
Your expectations, your explanations
Don't make sense to me
You and your alternatives
Don't send me to your therapists
Deep down, I know what you mean
And I'm not sure that's what I wanna be
No
Take me
This is all that I've got
This is all that I'm not
All that I'll ever be
I've got flaws, I've got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn't matter who you are
We all have our scars
We all have our scars
Oh no no no
Did I say something stupid
There goes one more mistake
Thursday
69. GDP = Great Depression Pusher
MACRO, MICRO, ALL THE SAME.
NUMBERS & I DON'T GEL & THAT'S A SHAME.
Monandry
[n] having one husband at a time
I didn't know there was a word for that! I thought Monogamy applies across the board for both sexes. Ha!
In any case, I figured memories (esp happy ones) have to go down in record (somewhere) so what better place than on an online journal? Unless blogger goes bust one day and closes down, taking along all our journal entries; or something greater and more vicious than the feared Y2K bug eats up all cyber connection and cuts us away from this wonderful creation...I think this cyber-journal should be a safe and ideal place to chronicle my self-deemed 'life-changing' events.
-
On a totally unrelated note, I suddenly recall a particular event that never fails to let me experience the bliss of being in love all over again and sticking by my belief of "Never missing an opportunity to tell someone how much you love and appreciate them", I suppose this long overdue 'after action review' is better late than never.
Mr JD:
Recalling our '100th day' mini celebration, I loved the part where you presented me with an empty bouquet made from scrap pieces of baking paper look-alike most. No doubt waking up to breakfast in bed and himalayan tea latte and carrying my first bouquet of Calla Lilies was one of the best feelings in the world. And it holds so much more meaning only because it's from you.
The past 9 months have been rather tumultuous for both us. Stressful, yes. Trying, yes. Emotionally draining, yes. But we've had our share of happy times and if I were to put it on a scale to measure 'Happy vs Unhappy' moments, I'd proudly say the scale would tip towards the 'Happy' moments.
Alike every relationship, ours wasn't smooth sailing like the Himalayan snow caps (I've never been there so it could be filled with potholes for all we know). We have our own idea and "standards" of perfection and sometimes in the process of finding that "perfection" molded by our individual expectations, we overlook the attraction of our differences that got us both together in the first place.
In the midst of anger and frustration, we wear our defenses high and words being our only weapon to defend our pride, may unknowingly hurt each other and cast the shadow of doubt in us and put a dent in our faith. Judging from our last conversation, the feeling of dejection was strong enough to keep my thoughts straying and awake at this ungodly hour. I don't deny thinking about our constant bickering occurring from our differences and despite it being taxing and putting everything I ever believed in on the line - Between walking away and giving it another shot, I'd choose the latter. (: Plus, it helps that I cast all unhappy memories and differences out the window whenever you're in close proximity.
That said, I love you, differences and all. It seems almost impossible but Alice in Wonderland believed in as many as six impossible things before breakfast; I believe in just one. And that's not impossible!
NUMBERS & I DON'T GEL & THAT'S A SHAME.
Monandry
[n] having one husband at a time
I didn't know there was a word for that! I thought Monogamy applies across the board for both sexes. Ha!
In any case, I figured memories (esp happy ones) have to go down in record (somewhere) so what better place than on an online journal? Unless blogger goes bust one day and closes down, taking along all our journal entries; or something greater and more vicious than the feared Y2K bug eats up all cyber connection and cuts us away from this wonderful creation...I think this cyber-journal should be a safe and ideal place to chronicle my self-deemed 'life-changing' events.
-
On a totally unrelated note, I suddenly recall a particular event that never fails to let me experience the bliss of being in love all over again and sticking by my belief of "Never missing an opportunity to tell someone how much you love and appreciate them", I suppose this long overdue 'after action review' is better late than never.
Mr JD:
Recalling our '100th day' mini celebration, I loved the part where you presented me with an empty bouquet made from scrap pieces of baking paper look-alike most. No doubt waking up to breakfast in bed and himalayan tea latte and carrying my first bouquet of Calla Lilies was one of the best feelings in the world. And it holds so much more meaning only because it's from you.
The past 9 months have been rather tumultuous for both us. Stressful, yes. Trying, yes. Emotionally draining, yes. But we've had our share of happy times and if I were to put it on a scale to measure 'Happy vs Unhappy' moments, I'd proudly say the scale would tip towards the 'Happy' moments.
Alike every relationship, ours wasn't smooth sailing like the Himalayan snow caps (I've never been there so it could be filled with potholes for all we know). We have our own idea and "standards" of perfection and sometimes in the process of finding that "perfection" molded by our individual expectations, we overlook the attraction of our differences that got us both together in the first place.
In the midst of anger and frustration, we wear our defenses high and words being our only weapon to defend our pride, may unknowingly hurt each other and cast the shadow of doubt in us and put a dent in our faith. Judging from our last conversation, the feeling of dejection was strong enough to keep my thoughts straying and awake at this ungodly hour. I don't deny thinking about our constant bickering occurring from our differences and despite it being taxing and putting everything I ever believed in on the line - Between walking away and giving it another shot, I'd choose the latter. (: Plus, it helps that I cast all unhappy memories and differences out the window whenever you're in close proximity.
That said, I love you, differences and all. It seems almost impossible but Alice in Wonderland believed in as many as six impossible things before breakfast; I believe in just one. And that's not impossible!
Friday
68. Exhausted.
I ♥ you.
But I am:
tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tried tired tired tired cried tried tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired.
But I am:
tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tried tired tired tired cried tried tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired.
67. To feel is crime.
HUSH, HUSH DARLIN' HUSH HUSH.
I'd be lying if I say "I feel much better" after our phone conversation.
I'd be lying if I say hearing you call yourself a "fucker" didn't break my heart.
I'd be lying if I say it wasn't difficult for me to wear my heart on my sleeve and pour my insecurities out to you.
Adding it all up, it seems the situation would have been better off if I'd lied.
-
Everytime I yearn for something, I trade a bit of "me" to the devil himself. I live in a deluded world where all that matters is that something I yearn for - it seems that with that little bit, the sun shines brighter, the birds fly higher and my world seems better. So I keep up with this trade-off with the devil and keep giving away that little bit of myself until one day I get what I yearn for. Maybe by then, I wouldn't want it anymore because the trade-off took away more than I bargained for.
I wish I could communicate my feelings without hurting yours.
I'd be lying if I say "I feel much better" after our phone conversation.
I'd be lying if I say hearing you call yourself a "fucker" didn't break my heart.
I'd be lying if I say it wasn't difficult for me to wear my heart on my sleeve and pour my insecurities out to you.
Adding it all up, it seems the situation would have been better off if I'd lied.
-
Everytime I yearn for something, I trade a bit of "me" to the devil himself. I live in a deluded world where all that matters is that something I yearn for - it seems that with that little bit, the sun shines brighter, the birds fly higher and my world seems better. So I keep up with this trade-off with the devil and keep giving away that little bit of myself until one day I get what I yearn for. Maybe by then, I wouldn't want it anymore because the trade-off took away more than I bargained for.
I wish I could communicate my feelings without hurting yours.
Thursday
66. Skinny LatteR.
HOPE THIS FEELING LASTS, THE REST OF MY LIFE.
Usually, the first thought that comes into mind when I wake up is, "Shit. I'm late." Not today. I woke up (late as usual), but with an agenda. I washed up and changed into running gear and started with a slow jog down the stairs and to the park. Now I'm back and I've decided that Sugarcult's 'Memory' makes a good running song.
And I've also decided that I still detest running but I need to face the demons in order to lose weight, right?
I have a touch of PMS, which means:
I'm bloated.
I feel fat.
I don't feel beautiful.
Did I mention FAT?!
And at 23 (coming), I still have a hell lot of teenage angst. Whoever told me I was beautiful? You're full of crap. I looked into the mirror today and it struck me that fat can never be beautiful. Everything associated with 'Skinny' is cool and sells. Ever heard of people buying 'Fatties'??? No! Everyone wants a pair of 'Skinnies', in every shade possible.
Today's one of those days I can't find anything to wear, everything makes my stomach stick out, my already big thighs huge and bigger than Mount Everest and my breasts feel compressed; like your face pressed against the glass door in a crowded train. Add to that the fact that I have been screwing up my body alarm and kept semi-conscious for the past few nights for fear of menstruation leaking unto the mattress.
This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
I'm sitting here, still clad in my running gear and I smell the sweat. Skinny people perspire - fat people sweat.
I can never get bored of writing to nobody.
Usually, the first thought that comes into mind when I wake up is, "Shit. I'm late." Not today. I woke up (late as usual), but with an agenda. I washed up and changed into running gear and started with a slow jog down the stairs and to the park. Now I'm back and I've decided that Sugarcult's 'Memory' makes a good running song.
And I've also decided that I still detest running but I need to face the demons in order to lose weight, right?
I have a touch of PMS, which means:
I'm bloated.
I feel fat.
I don't feel beautiful.
Did I mention FAT?!
And at 23 (coming), I still have a hell lot of teenage angst. Whoever told me I was beautiful? You're full of crap. I looked into the mirror today and it struck me that fat can never be beautiful. Everything associated with 'Skinny' is cool and sells. Ever heard of people buying 'Fatties'??? No! Everyone wants a pair of 'Skinnies', in every shade possible.
Today's one of those days I can't find anything to wear, everything makes my stomach stick out, my already big thighs huge and bigger than Mount Everest and my breasts feel compressed; like your face pressed against the glass door in a crowded train. Add to that the fact that I have been screwing up my body alarm and kept semi-conscious for the past few nights for fear of menstruation leaking unto the mattress.
This may never start.
We could fall apart
And I'd be your memory.
I'm sitting here, still clad in my running gear and I smell the sweat. Skinny people perspire - fat people sweat.
I can never get bored of writing to nobody.
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